Happy Holidays?? No Ho-ho's or Ding-dongs or...

It’s nearly Christmas, my all time favorite holiday.  My past Christmases were not that great. Lots of holiday hype on how perfect the holidays should be for everyone. Especially with a perfect family, perfect decorations, perfect friends and perfect gifts.  Let’s not forget the perfectly cooked foods we have come to associate with Christmas.

Diana and Tom 12-10-11

I’ve had so many emotional upheavals at this time of year growing up that I know all about emotional eating.  I get upset because something happens and I go dull the emotional pain with a cookie or ten.

I’m vowing this year to not set myself up for emotional overeating.

I’m not stressing about getting this done or that done on time or to perfection.  If the cookies don’t get baked until Christmas Eve day, big deal, so what, who cares!  If I forget a side dish, we’ll eat it the next day.  If one of my beloved family members decides to act like a 2 yr old and throw a tantrum, I won’t get involved in their meltdown.  That person can look foolish without my Motherly guidance.

I no longer stress about how many gifts each person gets to open.  I’m putting lots of little stuff into one bag and that way no one can feel left out.

Foods……ahh how I love my holiday foods. Cookies, candy, pies, potatoes and spiral sliced ham.  How could I ever get thru a family holiday without them?  I won’t eliminate them completely, however, I will eat them in MODERATION!!!!!!!!!

A small taste of my favorites without the guilt of having eaten a dozen cookies before lunch. Or that whole bowl full of “Puppy Chow”, even if it was only a small bowl full.  I’ll do it with an eye on my goal.

Riley and Nevaeh tell Santa their wish lists

My goal currently is to survive Christmas and New Years Eve without gaining any weight back. 

My last weigh in I was at 226.0. I haven’t been at this weight in over 2 years, when I turned 50.  I’ve got my eye on 219 now so I’m trying to be mindful of the foods I’m putting into my mouth.  It’s not easy when my 80 yr old father buys a bag of Hershey Treasures w/ caramel inside. He placed them in the bowl on the dining room table so they call out to me every time I walk by. I’ve silenced at least a dozen already!  Teach those little buggers to talk to me when I’m tired.

I set out to complete some mini tasks this week to keep my mind off food and on being productive. 
I just want everyone I know to have a healthy happy Holiday Season.  After all the new year is coming and with it comes all sorts of new choices for EVERYONE.
What are the choices you want to make?  Are you struggling with making a commitment?  What do you have to lose if you just do it?  Just make the commitment and change things in your life.  You deserve the best life you can give yourself!!! 
Let's bid adieu to 2011 and all it's bad choices. Say CHEERS to 2012 and all it's possibilities!!

Grandma holding Isaak, we call him a baby burrito

Sugar cookies....................

Now that I have your attention. . . .

Do you see the Holiday season as one big sugar cookie bake shop? I do!  I love cookies. Every year it starts like this.

We start baking sweet treats and then try to avoid putting them into our mouths.  What the heck? This amounts to self torture.  However, I enjoy baking cookies at this time of year. It gets me into the spirit of the season and I give them away.  This will be my 31st year of making cookies for my family.  Frankly, I'm kinda sick of them.  I may eat a few, but not like I did last year. I was addicted to the way they would melt in my mouth.  This year I think of eating them as pouring sugar straight into my mouth....ewwww.

The sugar in my life now is my Grandchildren.

Riley 2 1/2, Isaak 16 days and Nevaeh 4 1/2.  My Grandkidlets!!

I'm focused on losing this weight and being healthy for these 3 precious Grandchildren.

They deserve a healthy active Grandma to play with them and chase them around.

I'm 2 tenths from my first ten pound weight loss on Weight Watchers.  I'm happy with my progress and how on track I've been able to stay.

Saturday I'll see if I've made that goal. 

Tonight I tried on more pants I had in the "smaller pants box" and 3 more pairs fit. I did the "Oh My Gosh they finally fit" dance.

These little victories mean so much to me, you just have no idea. Well, maybe you do.  You've read this far so maybe you know how good it feels to beat an addiction, be it food, alcohol, drugs or gaming.  Whatever you may find yourself addicted to it is nice to know other people can relate and will be there for you as you try your best to beat it once and for all.  It's not easy and it sure isn't fun.  I'm finding a way to add fun to this process. Like making up names or stories about who I see at the gym and why they are there. I get on the treadmill and "walk out" to my music.  I try not to do things that will make people report me for being weird while on the treadmill.

I love how my trainer got me to a point where I can now go to the gym on my own and do my own workout.

I'm working my way thru this maze that is my life.  One day at a time and one meal at a time.

Are you on this journey too?  I'd love to hear how your doing and if you have ideas for how to make this more fun.
Oh I forgot to share this in my original post so here I am editing it now. My WW leader uttered the words I mentioned a few months back, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"  Now I know it's a WW catch phrase. I still don't agree with it.  I enjoyed every bit of that kit kat bar I ate tonight. AND My thighs are still shrinking :-)

Holding this little one gives me less time to eat.

Dear Santa......

Putting all the pieces together

I've had 4 weeks to figure out this Weight Watchers Points Plus.  I'm on track and losing like I planned. 2 pounds a week is my goal. I've had my own little issues with this though.

I want to lose the weight so badly it's scary sometimes.  I know I can do it, but I find myself trying to sabotage my progress. WHY???  Why would I do that? Am I afraid of being healthier or thinner?  I know I'm terrified of how my skin will hang after these 80 pounds are gone.  If you've seen a pair of panty hose after they've been worn you know what I mean when I say "Will my skin look like that too?"  Well the answer is YES!  I see the skin already starting to hang a bit more, granted it's not as much, but still it hangs. I'll look like a shar pei all wrinkled and having hanging skin.  My arms already look like they have wings.  When I wave now my arms keep waving, even after I've stopped. My arms have big muscles that you can see when I flex them, but there is that flap of skin hanging all droopy down below it.  I do have to laugh at the things I do in front of a full length mirror when I'm alone. I wiggle and jiggle all my loose skin.  I'm trying to get an act together for the next America's Got Talent.  There could be a category for Jiggling and Juggling while dancing to Rihanna.

I go to the gym every week for an hour or more.  I go 4-6 times a week.  I felt like a slug by Saturday this last week because I hadn't gone Thursday or Friday.  I did have a valid excuse.  My Grandson was born at 12:18 p.m. on 11-10-11.  I was there and got to help my daughter give birth. An amazing experience and one that I will never forget.  My daughter handled that labor and delivery with barely a whimper. She was in pain, but she never yelled.  She did say she hoped it was a boy because she really didn't want to have another baby, EVER.

I was running on adrenalin and pure energy by Friday night.  Saturday we got them home and I took a 2 hour nap.  My husband had to go out of town again for work so I went to the gym. 
I can't be that into self sabotage if I'm going to the gym and doing 200+ calories on the treadmill and then doing another 30 minutes of weight machines and crunches. 
I had been finding myself SO hungry in the evenings the last two days.  I deduced it was because I'd get up at 7 a.m., have my cup of coffee and then go to the gym.  I'd wait about an hour before eating after I got home from my hour at the gym. My poor body was starving for food and it was going to make sure I fed it too.
Today, I got back on track.  I had my coffee as usual, but when I got home I sat down to a nice protein fueled breakfast THEN I took my shower.  I blended up a fruit smoothie to drink on the way to work.
I felt much better this morning.  
Okay now to explain how this WW (weight watchers) works for ME.  You can't follow my plan because it may not work for you.  I like how they give me the points I need to have each day and then let me find my own foods to eat.  They have suggestions, but I can find foods to eat at any restaurant I go to.
I can eat any fruit because they have 0 points.  However, I'm not supposed to eat 12 bananas for breakfast, for example.  I've found WW english muffins and WW yogurts are yummy and low in points.  I try to eat an apple every day along with a banana.  I make frozen fruit smoothies.  I only use fruit without added sugar and I'll add vitamin water or coffee to help it blend up better.  I LOVE those smoothies.  I'll find a way to add veggies to them some day.  I find spinach is too green and I get pieces of it in my teeth.  That doesn't look so nice when I smile, I'm a receptionist so I can't have green bits in my teeth.
Lunch is a WW frozen meal.  It's quick and easy.  Snacks are usually hummus and WW dijon pretzels.  String cheese, a progresso light soup with most of the juice drained off makes a filling snack with lots of veggies.  I've bought the WW snacks and some of them I really like, but find myself using those as my points instead of real food like proteins that my body needs so badly when I work out like I have been doing.
Every day is my new beginning.  I can start over again and do the day better, maybe by not eating candy or getting a little more sleep or even taking time to just hold a baby while he sleeps.
Babies don't care what your weight is or how many wrinkles you have on your face or body :-)

Yesterday I was at the gym and was doing my after workout stretching.  I noticed a young woman waiting by the trainers desk.  I assumed she was waiting for the DUD (the trainer I had "fired" in April) .  I see her talking to another trainer and then she's making a phone call.  I hear her talking to DUD and listening to his lame excuse about how his phone was set on vibrate and he didn't hear it to wake up.   I watched her go upstairs to get on a treadmill, bike or elliptical machine. I debated, should I go tell her about my experience with DUD or not.  How would it have been for me if someone had spared me weeks of his lateness and lame excuses by telling me what his work ethic was?  I would have had those sessions with a trainer who showed up on time and truly cared enough about my gym time to invest in me 100% sooner.  You know what I did!!
I walked upstairs and found her.  I told her that she should find another trainer, preferably a female, who would be on time and not give excuses for being late.  She told me this was the first time, I told her that if it keeps happening then find a different one.  I told her that she can do this and she can succeed.  She shared with me that she is a Mom of 3 children all under 5.  I hope she takes my advice because today I overheard the DUD telling his client how he'd gone to see Guns N Roses Sunday night. I read in the paper that the concert ended at 2 a.m. Gee I wonder why he didn't wake up on time?  LIAR!!   I'm so done with the liars like him.  I lost any ounce of respect I had left for him in that instant.  
I'm happier now than I have been in years.  I have my life under control and I have my goals in sight now.
I can achieve successful weight loss. AND I don't have to suffer through lying trainers who only care about themselves and not their clients.  Christine, I miss seeing you at the gym when I go now.  I miss you waving at me when you'd spot me on the tread mill before our workout sessions. Nothing beats a trainer who truly cares about how the client succeeds after the paid sessions have ended. Thank You for caring about my future success.

Isaak Thomas- 9 pounds 2 ounces 22 inches born on 11/10/11

Making Progress

Yup, we are Vikings fans. I like my "Breast Cancer Awareness" Vikings pink shirt.

I feel so in control of myself and my eating.
I'm now more than two weeks without a trainer to push me thru my workouts.
I go on my own and do my treadmill time.  I'm up to 50 minutes on the treadmill and two plus miles.  I'm seeing 10,000 plus steps on my "fitbug" pedometer. 
I joined Weight Watchers 2 1/2 weeks ago and have lost 3.6 pounds.  I'm not even freaking out about not losing more.  I want to lose it slow and steady.  I'm fine with the "Points Plus" and how the whole program works.
I know I won't be going back to Atkin's.  I enjoyed Atkin's, but because of the intussusception my body can't do it.  
Feeling like I can do this and succeed in getting fit and healthy has given me confidence.
I get so many compliments on how I look that my confidence is growing stronger.
I know I can do whatever I set my sights on.  I have even started setting up goals for other things besides weight loss. 
I have a new Grandbaby due any day now. I get to be the birth coach for my daughter.  I have the honor of seeing my grandchild being born and holding him/her for the first time within minutes of the birth.  I want to be around for this baby.  I want to be able to keep up with all that energy and not tire out.
I'm enjoying my Calligraphy class.  It's fun to try new things and explore other activities.  Who knows what talents I have kept hidden behind a veil of food and fat.  
I'm open to new adventures with my husband.  We have plans for the next year that include me walking a LOT to explore.  I am driven to get to my goal weight and even be able to ride a bike again.
Does this make sense to you?  Do you have your goals hanging out there almost taunting you to reach them?  Come on let's reach a goal before the end of the year.  60  days to a new goal?  Sure why not..... Pick a goal and plan out how you can make the steps to achieve it.  Contact me if you want someone to share your goal with or just offer encouragement.   Follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/DesignerNails

Halloween Party.  My inner Goddess came out.

Getting on the right track

I've struggled with my weight issues for so much of my life it feels like a bad relationship that I can't get out of.....
So as I ended my paid training sessions with my EXCELLENT trainer Christine I knew I needed to get my next "area" figured out.  I know me so well and know I needed a plan that would keep me accountable and be easy to follow.   I joined Weight Watchers yesterday.  The Points Plus Plan is something I know I can do and follow without problems.   The only problem will be MY willpower to resist the empty calorie foods.  
This morning I got up early and was at the gym by 8 a.m. and worked out like a crazy person.  I did 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.0 speed.  It felt good to get in over 4000 steps just on that treadmill.  I opened up my workout log and picked the machines I wanted to do and did my sets and reps.  30 minutes later I was BEAT, I had over 5000 steps on my fit bug and felt like I had just run a marathon.  I'm feeling pretty good about doing this without my trainer.  I have the tools to do this working out on my own.  Using  WW will help me with the next tool I need to get this weight off.
 I was not happy about the arthritis in my foot hurting and feeling like a hot poker jammed in my foot.  I am just going to workout thru the pain and then talk to my Dr tomorrow at my physical about how I can deal with the pain.  I will HAVE to get another injection of steroids to alleviate the pain in these joints.
I'm content with my life.  I have a man who loves me beyond all comprehension and family who is there for me.  Friends more numerous than I can count, who show me love and support in all things that I do.  I am Grateful to a God who loves me unconditionally and sends wonderful people into my life to touch me in ways that only HE knows why.
My blessings are many and my regrets are few.  THAT is how a life should be lived.
Go get on your RIGHT track.....there's no time like today to start your new beginning!!

Even BK wants us Happy.....

 

Fall has arrived

The smells of fall and the sounds of it fill the air now. The leaves are beginning to change and with it we move into another season.

Life is a lot like seasons changing.  We move from one season in our lives to the next.  I just turned 52 and feel like a new season started for me.  I find myself thinking of life changes I have experienced.  I survived Motherhood, the terrible teens years of my 3 kids and becoming a Grandma. Menopause provided many interesting sensations and some not so fun side effects.   

I am ready for this new season of my life.  The season of becoming healthy and happier within my own skin.  I enjoy more things than I did when I was 30 or 40.   I find trying new things is not so scary after all.  I'm taking a new interest in lifting burdens from my life.  Just letting go of old negatives and photos felt so good.  No one wanted them, but here I sat moving them around from home to home over 30 years.  I finally knew I was getting no joy or value from those items.  

Letting go never felt as good as it did last week when I threw away lots of clutter.  Why keep things in my life that don't add value or serve a good purpose?  If I find I need that basket after all,  I can replace it for less than $10.00.  I freed up space for something I do value, my pictures of my Grandbabies!!

Getting rid of that clutter seemed to help me let go of some other clutter in my head.  I no longer think about that pile of magazines I should go thru because they are all GONE!

I thought about that pile EVERY flippin' day.  I saw it when I walked in that room, it silently called to me to say "Hi, hey, how's it going? You wanna just take a peek at me and maybe make a decision about letting me stay here?  I could go sit some other place, maybe across the room on that table?"  Seriously, why did I let that pile of magazines talk to me? I felt guilty for not dealing with it, but couldn't bring myself to just deal with it.  That was a waste of good thinking time. 

Now I think about the new community education class I'm taking next week.  I'm DOING something instead of thinking about it.

All this season changing makes me want to keep making my positive changes.  There is NO going back now.

What do you feel needs to change in your life?  Are you brave enough to throw out the clutter that is holding you back?  Letting go of that mind clutter might just be the peace of mind we all hear so much about!

Lake Minnetonka 9/26/11 Leaves are changing!!

Watch what you say because your words speak volumes

Words....they affect us all in different ways.  We can be hurt by words or comforted by words. We can use words to put down someone or to lift them up.  
What we say out loud can be heard by others as well as ourselves.  The words we say in our heads can be very damaging to our psyche.
When offering words of advice think about the message that may be taken in many ways.
I know the person who offered this to me meant well, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth/mind.
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"
I love the taste of CHOCOLATE.  I love the taste of STRAWBERRIES. I love the taste of PIZZA.
Does that mean I shouldn't taste my favorite foods because THIN feels better?
How does the person who can't eat feel when they see other people eating and they can't do it or it would kill them?  Do you tell that person "Oh you get to FEEL THIN so your not missing the TASTE of this chocolate."? What the heck?  I'd deck the person that said that to me.  I mentioned in a previous blog about a woman who had cancer being envied for being thin from having it.   This is the same thing. MESSED UP!
I sure wouldn't say such insensitive words to anyone.  Why is it okay to tell someone who is overweight whatever pops into your mind and out your mouth?
I'm so over this mindset that overweight people just eat too much and they should stop eating too much.  Just think how hard it is for a drug user or alcoholic to stop doing their addiction cold turkey.  We treat them with group therapy or certain medications to ease the withdrawal symptoms.  Overeating is about emotions.  Eating to cover up pain or comfort when stress hits or to celebrate something.
I feel we have been taught to use food for many things in this country.  As a child I was told I had to finish all my food on my plate because some other child didn't have food to eat.  Was that supposed to make me eat it or send it to them?
The movie "Supersize Me" showed how the food industry, mainly fast food, is trying to fatten us up one Smiley Meal at a time.
Portion size is what we should want.  I find I'm satisfied with a taste of the sweet stuff.  YES I'd like to eat the whole dang cake, but a small piece is enough to feed that sweet tooth. 
Learning what a REAL portion is made such a difference to me.  I found out I really didn't know what a half cup of food looked like nor three ounces of meat. 
I'll do a blog about portion sizes if I get feedback stating it is wanted.
My mind is just spinning.
I started watching a show on TLC called Big Sexy http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/big-sexy-videos/
and Supersize vs Superskinnyhttp://www.ovguide.com/tv/supersize_vs_superskinny.htm
Those two shows highlighted what being overweight has done to society and acceptance of larger people.
What do you think?

Granddaughter as a baby tiger and I'm feeling thinner.

 

Working out the details

When it comes to working out I'm focused on being consistent.  I go Monday thru Friday for my 30 minute work outs with my trainer.  I try to get in a 30 minute warm-up before on either the treadmill or the recumbent bike.  Sometimes I do half of one and half of the other.  Depends on how my knees or feet feel.  
Some people have asked me what my work outs are like.  When I first started my "regular" work outs meaning committed to 3 times a week, I could do the treadmill at incline of 0 and speed of 2.0.  That was the end of April 2011.  Now I do incline of 1.0 and speed of 3.0 to 3.2.  I started out only being able to do the bike at level 4, but now I warm-up at level 6 and go up to level 8. 
Here is what I did the last 7 work outs after my warm-ups on the treadmill or bike.

Day 1
Leg press 120 lbs. - 12 reps- 3 sets
Leg extension 60 lbs. - 12  reps- 3 sets
Calf Raises 25 lbs. - 12 reps- 1 set (foot pain stopped this one)
Side lunges Length of room - 3 sets
Low walking Length of room- 3 sets
Glute Machine 25 lbs. - 12 reps- 3 sets

Day 2
Push up 10 reps- 3 sets
Up down Planks 30 sec.- 3 sets
Boxer curl while in V sit with weight in each hand 8 lbs. - 30 sec.- 3 sets
Low row 60 lbs. -12 reps- 3 sets
Kettle bell swings 10 lbs.- 45 sec.- 3 sets
V sit 30 sec.- 3 sets
Ab twist 10 lbs- 30 sec.- 3 sets

Day 3
Leg press 120 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Leg extension 75 lbs. - 12 reps- 3 sets
Side lunge Length of room- 3 sets
Wall sit 30 sec.- 3 sets
Low walking lunge Length of room- 3 sets
Leg curl 30 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Donkey kicks 12 reps- 3 sets
Ab machine 75 lbs.-20 reps- 3 sets

Day 4
Chest press  45 lbs.-12 reps-3 sets
Seated row 70 lbs.-12 reps-3 sets
Push-ups 10 reps- 3 sets
Kettle bell swings 10 lbs.-1 minute-3 sets
Lateral pull downs 60 lbs.-12 reps- 3 sets
Low row 60 lbs.-12 reps- 3 sets

Day 5
Boxer curls (while in a V sit) 8 lbs. in each hand- 30 sec.- 3 sets
Push-ups 10 reps- 3 sets
Seated row 70 lbs. -12 reps- 3 sets
Low row 60 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Kettle bell swings 10 lbs.- 45 sec.- 3 sets
Lateral Raises 8 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Frontal raises 8 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets

Day 6 (1 hr work out with a partner, she may never work out with me again :-/ )
Lunges with knee raises 10 lbs.- Length of room- 3 sets
Wall sit 10 lbs.- 30 sec.- 3 sets
Side lunges 10 lbs.- length of room- 3 sets
Stairs 10 lbs.- 3 up and down reps- 3 sets
Med ball toss 10 lbs.- 1 min- 3 sets
Med ball pass 10 lbs.- 1 min.- 3 sets
Plank 40 sec.- 3 sets

Day 7
Seated row 70 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Back extension 135 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Lateral pull down 60 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Low row 60 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Bicep curl machine 20 lbs.- 12 reps- 3 sets
Ab machine 75 lbs.- 20 reps- 3 sets

 When I started in April I could only do 90 lbs on the Leg press, 45 lbs on the leg extension, 5 lbs on the lateral and frontal raises, 65 lbs on the Ab machine, 45 lbs on the seated row and 55 lbs on the Lateral pull down.
Today I feel so much stronger and am addicted to working out.  I actually feel bad when I go more than 2 days without working out.  I know the body does need time to recover from all the muscle breakdowns.  So I do rest on the weekends.  
I've had a pedometer for a month and am loving the challenge to get more than 6500 steps in per day. 

I know the most important part of any weight loss plan is physical activity.  I'm committed to this plan and whenever someone asks why I do this I tell them "I have a goal to reach!!"
My goal is not a number it's a lifestyle change.  My Future Plan, I'm doing this for my future.  I want to be physically healthy for my Grandkids and my Husband.  He has been so supportive of whatever I want to do and he deserves a wife who strives to be the best wife for him.  My Soulmate, My Best Friend, My Teammate!!
Have you worked out the details of your own work out?  You don't have to commit to training with a trainer like I'm doing to be committed.  You can start with a commitment to doing 15 minutes a day walking or at home Yoga.  Yoga is actually how I started out.  Find a yoga class at your local church or one of the many Yoga places like Corepower Yoga or check with a local Lululemon as they have yoga clothing and know where classes are held. 
Next time you have an hour why not grab a bottle of water and go for a walk or pick up a few cans of veggies and do bicep curls.  You deserve a little muscle building too!

My Soulmate and I dressed up for the Minnesota Renaissance Festival 8/28/11

Counting by Numbers

How many times do we decide our worth based on a number?  Be it the amount of money you have in the bank, on your paycheck, credit rating or weight.    Today I was so excited about dropping a few pounds.  I took a picture of the scale reading and sent it to my trainer and my husband (he was out of town working).     I was so excited about going to the gym that I sent a text to my husband that said "Sleep well my love. 230 is calling me so I'm off to the gym".  I proceeded to send it.  Now let me back up a second, I don't make it a point to tell anyone, but my husband, trainer and daughters my real weight.  My cellphone is set up to send and receive  messages for my Twitter.  My husbands name is Tom.  So when I sent HIM the text it actually went to Twitter.  Oh My Gosh, the look on my face must have been priceless as I realized my mistake.  I don't have a bunch of people on twitter only 20 followers so I really shouldn't have been embarrassed.   I erased it when I got home from the gym.  It was so silly to be embarrassed about my weight.   

Society makes weight a HUGE issue with women especially.   How many times have we heard physical appearance mentioned when reading about a woman?  Whether it's beauty or height or weight it is always being judged by someone.   

I read an article recently about how a woman had lost weight because of sickness, she was told she looked great, even when she explained she had been very sick. She said some women seemed envious.  Cancer, Mono or the flu is not a weight loss tool.   Being sick may make you lose weight, but really, would someone wish for Cancer to lose the unwanted weight?  The side effect of this kind of weight loss could be death.   Do we really want to be thinner at the cost of our life?  Yet so many young girls (and some guys) take weight loss to extremes and become anorexic and/or bulimic.  

I don't want my children or grandchildren to be weight obsessed like I have been my whole life.  

I admit I am obsessed with  changing numbers now.  I just want to lose this weight and be healthier. 

I have to get over being embarrassed to say my weight.  My trainer always says my weight OUT LOUD in the gym where everyone can hear her. Why does this bother me so much?    Like a Taylor Swift lyric "You have pointed out my flaws again As if I don't already see them" I know I'm overweight.  No one needs to tell me.  In high school I was teased mercilessly by one boy in particular.  I hated him for 30 years because of his hurtful words. I finally realized he probably didn't even know he'd hurt me with his words. I knew I needed to take the power back. I let those words hold a power over me for too many years. Wasted years that I'll never get back.  Today when I think of him and those words I pray that his life has been touched in some way that he knows only love and not hurt from others.

So I'll tell everyone I weigh 233 today.  On March 23, 2008 I weighed 267.  I have MUCH to be thankful for and even more to be proud of today.  I weighed 255 on April 22, 2011.  I have lost and gained the same 22 pounds in the last 3 years.   I'm tired of doing the yo-yo so this time I'm losing it for good. THIS time I have all the tools I need and am pulling on the inner strength to complete my mission.  God is my strength and he is not going to give up on me so I'm not giving up on me either.

I go to the gym 5 days a week and work out 5-7 hours a week. I'm building up strong arms, legs, back and emotional esteem. 

I have friends who are cheering me on and reading my blog.  I'm inspiring family members to fight their own battles with weight.  I just want to be an example of a woman who has fought with her weight and is not giving up and accepting defeat.  Defeat is definitely NOT an option. 

It is okay to count the numbers, but it is more important to count your blessings.  The blessings of the people around you, the helpful articles or blogs.  Look around you and see who else is on this same journey, maybe he/she needs encouragement to get thru today so their journey can keep going tomorrow.  Everyday is a fight to keep going in a positive direction.  If I can do this at 51 (almost 52 YIKES) you can do this at your age! 
Let's go out and flaunt it in the gym, right along with the fit women that are there fighting to keep themselves in shape.
Rock It Baby!!!! 

San Francisco June 2011 Diana and Thomas

 

Got it right this time

I knew that at some point all the things I was learning would click into place.  I've been working out steady since April 18, 2011 and last week it finally hit me.  I know that my working out is HUGE when it comes to toning my body, but the key is what I eat.  

I was feeling very frustrated about the scale not budging so I asked my trainer to check my BMI on the device they have at the gym.  She looked at what it was last September when I entered the training program.  My BMI had dropped, not a lot, but it had dropped.  She decided to take just 2 of my measurements.  My chest and my hips.  I knew my thighs looked smaller and my arms were definitely more toned.  But I was thrilled to see I had gone down 6 and 3/4 inches combined in those two areas. WOW, I was just beaming, I was so happy.  

Now that I knew I had actually lost inches I was determined to make that second number on the scale go down.  I had been just this close, yet could not get there.  Well, by Friday I had not only changed that number, but it dropped down the third number farther.

Now I finally have the right combination of working out and eating.  I can now use that key information to move me to the next goal.

We all have struggles on a daily basis.  Some struggles are monetary, some are mentally and some are physically.  We can't let the struggles keep us from living a full life filled with laughter and happiness.  Happiness is within each of us.  Finding what makes you happy is all up to you.  Keeping the happy in your life is still up to you.  Don't give others the power to make you unhappy.  YOU focus on what makes you happy and don't give away your power, but share your happiness with others. 

I recently read Jaycee Dugard's book "A Stolen Life".  She lived 18 years of her life being raped and lied to.  She always clung to her Mother's love for her and longed to see her again. She has shown more strength and happiness even after all she lived thru.  If she can come out of 18 years of captivity and be happy then I can come out of any situation and be happy too.

Keep on Keeping on

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I wrote my last blog.  

I doubt anyone missed it, but I do need to keep on top of what it is I'm doing for me.

I've been working out 5 days a week and eating healthy during those 5 days.  I just can't seem to get thru the weekend without eating unhealthy stuff.  

I'm tired of exercising and not losing.  I know it's my fault because I'm the one stuffing my face with unhealthy foods that do NOT nourish my body.  My body deserves good healthy foods to function.  So why do I still eat processed junk and sugary crap?  I'm an addict.  Can't get any plainer than that.

So I begin another week of re-examining my habits and motivations.

I have a mini goal that I am so close to I can almost touch it yet I just can't get to it.  I'm beyond frustrated.  I have another goal I want to reach, but I have to hit the first one in order to get to the next one. *sigh*

I have nothing to complain about, I have a great husband who supports me and loves me just how I am now.  I have a family who is doing well and moving ahead with their lives.  I have friends who I love very much and they too love me just as I am.  My goals are just that MINE.  No one around me is saying I have to reach that goal.  

I can't give up, it's just not in me to throw in the towel and quit.  I will reach my goal, but at what cost?   Will I sacrifice my sanity to attain the goal?  I just want to find the right balance and move forward.  I have come so far in the last 3 months and I love what I see happening with my body.  I'm stronger, my shape has changed and I look more toned up.  

So I'm gonna keep dancing and singing and focus on my goals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I left my.......in San Francisco!!

I love that old song about leaving your heart in San Francisco.  However, I didn't leave my heart.  My Soulmate Thomas came with me and together we shared some adventures and made memories.

We went into this vacation with a pact, to eat foods for quality not for quantity.  We shared many yummy meals and didn't act as "food police" with each other.  I enjoyed tasting the foods and not feeling the need to fill up on the foods.  I found I wasn't living to eat, but rather eating to live.  

Wine tasting was fun and filled with knowledge.  I learned about what ones I prefer and how what is eaten with the food effects how it tastes.

We followed that up with a HUGE Chinese meal with 7 entrees I believe.  I just know I ate a lot of food, but refrained from stuffing myself.  Yummy little bites of great food was enough for me.  

The whole scene in San Francisco was AWESOME to see.  We even went on the CalTrain and the Muni as well as a cable car.  I took over 600 pictures alone.  I loved seeing the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge.  The housing was unreal.  I don't think I could live that close to my neighbors.  I'm spoiled here in the midwest.  My neighbors are at least 10 feet away.  

I admit I did come back a few pounds up from my lowest which I hit the morning we left.  I did go workout Friday, we got back Thursday at 11 p.m. and I had to get to gym by 8:30 a.m. for my training.  Oh my gosh I was so not into working out.  I hadn't hit the workout room once while on vacation.  That workout room was terrible.  1 eliptical, 1 treadmill, 1 bike and a lone workout ball with a scale to round things out. YUCK!

I'm back on track and focused on finishing this marathon I began..... at birth it seems.

Wine tasting with my Soulmate, Thomas, at Jessup Cellars

I'm thrilled that we were able to take this amazing trip at this time in our lives. I just don't want to be this weight on our next vacation.  I know I will reach my goal and it will feel great to accomplish!!

Set your own goal and put the plan in place to attain it before a specific time in your life.  Be it a BIG birthday milestone or before you go someplace amazing.  You too can reach your goals you just need to keep focused and not let slip ups completely sidetrack you.  Falling down doesn't mean you never get back up.

Hang in there and don't leave your heart anywhere!!!

What do you do at the gym??

Today I wasn't feeling too into working out, but after eating the chocolate crack I knew I needed to kick my own butt.

I did as many errands as I could get done to put off going too early.  It seems that Sunday mornings people skip church and go workout.  

I parked my butt on the recumbent bike and started peddling.  Upset that I forgot my earbuds, so I had no tunes to listen to, I settled in to people watch.  I saw an older guy I have seen there a lot.  He seems to almost live there. SO... I watched him.  He got on a machine and "camped" (you know the ones who get on a machine and hog it for 5-10 minutes without getting off it). He pushed 2-4 times then rested for 1-2 minutes and pushed a few more times. Then went to camp on another machine, he did this for about 4 machines. It was hilarious to watch him so I looked at a few others. I hope none of them are reading this, but I won't say what time I was at the gym nor which one I went to.  

   I watched a woman around my size as she went from the treadmill to the weight machines.  I wanted to ask her if she'd thought about getting a trainer.  I find that having Christine kick my butt 30 minutes a session keeps me motivated to keep pushing forward.  She seemed to know how to use the machines, but didn't have the knowledge to give herself a proper workout session.  Is that mean that I was watching her?  I'm sure I was being watched as I huffed and puffed thru the sets. I wanted to talk to her, but didn't.  If I see her again I will.  I know that trainers can be shared and I'd share mine if someone else wanted to be beat up right along with me. Which reminds me, CHRISTINA D., you need to join me Friday mornings again!  

  I now appreciate what guys do at the gym to strengthen their arms and abs. It's hard frickin work to build muscles and be disciplined enough to keep at it day after day.  I was doing my bicep curls in the weight room and there was a guy in his 20's lifting weights and they were HEAVY.  He was huffing and puffing too so I knew he was working his muscles hard.  His "girlfriend"? came over to talk to him then left and he went back to working out.  I saw her later stretching and almost said "I hope you appreciate how hard he's working to look good for you", but maybe he was just wanting to beat the guys off her when they came sniffing around.  

I don't get all dolled up or primp to look sexy when I go workout. I put my hair in a ponytail and wear jogging pants and a t shirt that I try to get sweaty.  I do take off my wedding ring.  If you've seen it you know I don't want to lose it or wreck it in any way. It tends to cut into my hand and I've developed a callous so I leave it at home now.  I joke that I'm "Single" when I work out now. 

I've had only one guy try to talk to me when I've worked out.  I chuckle to think of a chubby middle aged woman being hit on in a gym.  I let the "barbie" dolls get all prettied up for working out.  I'm there to sweat and breath like I'm going to have a heart attack from my workouts, not get a date.  Do you know of anyone who got  a date at the gym?

If you happen to be blessed with a great metabolism Thank God for it!!  If you have a lazy metabolism like me you have to work at maintaining or losing weight.  I find I do really well all week only to go right back up on the weekends. I know how to maintain this weight. HOWEVER, I want to lose some weight before I begin maintaining it.

The best part of my day was going to Lane Bryant and trying on a few pairs of pants. I picked a pair of the "Right Fit" jeans in the curvy shape.  I grabbed a pair of the size I had on and the next size down because I find pants fit different depending on brand and shape/fit.  I got into a size down from what I was wearing and was thrilled.  I tried on a skirt and loved how it looked so grabbed a few shirts to go with it. Now I have a few pair of jeans to get me thru to the next size down.  I had lost 50 pounds in 2008 while on Atkin's.  I had to stop Atkin's so I ended up putting almost all of it back on.  Now I'm down 23 pounds from where I was in 2008.  It took me 10 months to lose it before so I know it'll take time now.  Only this time I'm using workouts to help me tone while losing.  

Isn't it just crazy that fitting into a pair of pants a size lower makes me this happy?  I also get this happy when my husband says he adores me.  In the past I would have traded all my lost weight for a man who loves and adores me like he does. Fortunately, he loves me, adores me, encourages me to go to the gym and even pays for the trainer.  I feel that having a cheerleader and loving support is what matters most.  I think everyone should have a person in their corner cheering them on and celebrating every milestone.  

My daughters have been very sweet about telling me when they see my shape has changed and I look like I've lost some more weight.  I'd been very worried that my daughters would become overweight like me.  I didn't want them to be teased about their weight.  I was relieved when they didn't gain weight until after they got out of high school. They've lost it since then and look great.  High school was so hard for me.  I was teased and treated horribly by the boys.  For 30 years I hated one boy.  He never knew how badly his words hurt me.  He probably doesn't even remember me, but I never forgot him.  I swore that if I ever saw him again I'd go up to him, say "Fatso huh?" and punch him in the stomach.  Now if I were to see him, I'd probably ask how life had treated him.  I've grown and matured since those not so golden days of high school.  Happiness has to be grown within and shown by our actions.  Treat others the way you want to be treated really is how it should be!!

Thank You God for making me Perfectly in YOUR image!!!

It FITS!

Thursday I noticed my capri's that I bought roughly 3 weeks ago were really loose.  When I got home from work I tried on one of the pairs I had not fit into 2 weeks ago when I cleaned out my side of the closet.  I pulled them on, buttoned and zipped them. They FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My weight has not dropped more than a few pounds, but my clothes fit looser.  I'd heard that muscle weighs more than fat, but I know a pound is a pound no matter what the form is. So the theory of fat takes up more space than muscle does fit.  

I'm very dedicated to working out while my trainer is gone this week. (Christine have some fun and I'll arm wrestle you on the 13th)

I had missed the feeling of muscles hurting after a workout, oh silly me.  I got that feeling back yesterday when my legs were hurting, but I know it's building more fat burning muscles. So..... Bring It On!

I have a lot more energy and stamina.  The true test will come when I go to San Francisco the end of the month.

I'm not eating as perfectly as I wish I was, but again it is all about moderation.  I don't totally throw out my meal plan every weekend I just limit my indulgences to a few things.

Do something for yourself today, whether it's a walk to enjoy the sunshine (it's actually nice here in MN), or a cup of tea on the patio, reading a book or the bible,  perhaps listening to your favorite music without distractions is more your style. 

Whatever you choose make it something special for yourself.  Everyone needs "ME" time. 

My Grandchildren with me at a Wedding reception 6/4/11

Muscles are appearing, I didn't know I could make muscles!

While my workouts have been building my stamina and strength they have also been building MUSCLES.

Yes I have muscles, actual definition of my muscles on my arms and calves.  It's so cool to see my body making these changes as I increase my workouts and the weights I'm using.  Today I did the seated rows with 55 pound weights and the pull downs were 55 pound weights as well.  I wish I could see my abs changing, but I doubt they will show anything.  I have a nice layer of fat on top still and have had many surgeries that cut onto my stomach muscles.

I see some changes in my face and ankles too.  It is fun to see my hard work finally paying off with muscle definition and becoming stronger.  

I feel like I'm on The Biggest Loser the Minnesota edition.  I've got my trainer cheering me on and pushing me to improve every week.  She makes sure I've got my plan for healthy eating ready for the weekends, those are the days my will power seems to disappear.  I'm not perfect, but I'm a work in progress.

I'll be progressing more and more in the next few weeks.  I have a goal to reach before I go to San Francisco.  I have another goal to reach by the end of this year as well.  I'm keeping my eye on the goals, but enjoying the journey to reach them too.

I think everyone should have goals short term as well as long term goals.  Why don't you set a goal this week for where you want to be in 6 months?  It's easy and you don't have to tell someone what your goal is you could just write it down for only you to see.

My modeling stint, it was a lot of fun.

Getting it right this time

It has been so long since I've felt this good about myself.   I'm eating according to my meal plan and have not had one bite of sugar, wheat or flour. 

My mind feels clearer and I'm able to focus more.  I'm thrilled to see the positive changes my body has been going through too.  My biceps and forearms are getting "ripped" looking.  I've never had this happen before. Seeing the changes on the scale has also been very good for my confidence.  Knowing I'm on the right track and have all the elements to be successful feels simply AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My trainer, Christine, had a challenge Wednesday when I showed up with a protective boot on my left foot again.  I have a stress fracture in my left foot, the metatarsal of the bone next to the great toe bone.  It hurts and I had bruising so I went in to find out why.  Not what I wanted to hear.

In the past this would've set me back weeks or even months.  I'd have stopped working out and eating right.  I'd have gone right back to eating crappy and put pounds back on.

THIS time I'm coming at this from a different brain, committed to getting to MY goals.

My determination is almost scary to me now.  Setting my goals both short term and long term has kept me sane and on track.  My short term goal is to lose 10 pounds at a time.  My long term goal is to reach my goal weight of 145 pounds. 

Dinner

Tonight I enjoyed a nice Tilapia fillet from Schwann's (90 calories) and had that with Brown rice (1/2 cup), cooked beets (1/2 cup).   I need to find a way to cook the brown rice to get it really moist and not too dry.  Package directions leave it too dry for my stomach. 

I've been using my My Fitness Pal on my ipod touch a lot and even got online to use their website to get more ideas on how to utilize it to the fullest. www.myfitnesspal.com

I am a FOOD ADDICT and I know what I need to do to get healthy.  Physically, emotionally and spiritually I need to keep my focus on just living one day at a time.  I now plan my meals out a little more than I did two weeks ago even. 

Lunch Salad that I have every day (Rainbow has a great salad bar)

I choose healthier foods like this salad that I pick up every morning before I go to work. Monday thru Friday I eat a good lunch.   Takes me almost 2 hours to eat it.  I usually have chicken or tuna with it and my dressing is 1 tablespoon of mayo.

Trying to get in my protein and veggies is very easy.  Gone are the unhealthy sides of pasta with creamy sauces and breads.

I eat my burgers without a bun and have not eaten one nibble of pizza since Saturday when I peeled the toppings off a few pieces at my friends.  The bag of potato chips that sat here over the weekend I didn't have one morsel of them.  I felt very good about exercising that self control.  I no longer let food control me or my emotions.

I'm feeling much happier (like that is even possible, Tom is the most supportive husband EVER).   I now think happiness comes from within and also how we let it out for others to see and enjoy. 

Seriously, how many times do you find yourself smiling when you see someone else smiling?  Smiles really are contagious!!

Try it, smile at the next person you pass in the mall, hallway or gym.  I get more "Good Morning's" and "Hello's" when I smile at someone first.   Not every man wants to hit on me when he says something to me (for those of you that know me you've heard me mention being hit on).

Have yourself a FUN weekend and remember this is making a change in lifestyle not a diet!