Friday, January 21, 2011

WHOA!!! Hold on a second there

I had a minor set back yesterday.  I've been battling dizziness and a headache since Monday.
I was experiencing nausea and chest pains too so off to ER I went.  It's a standing joke between my husband and I that if your "Over 40, Overweight and have chest pain your Overnight"
I had a stress test this morning and am so relived that I don't have anything wrong with my heart.  Not that they could see in a stress echo!
I went to workout yesterday because I am so determined to keep pushing my muscles to get stronger and burn more calories.  
Even though I got side tracked with another health issue I will NOT be swayed from my goal.
Mentally I am thinking less about food and more about my life.  I'm very happy and content with where I am in life.  My marriage is great, better than I ever dreamed possible. I've never known happiness like this existed.  It's greater than any drug or alcohol and it makes me high in a healthy way.
So as I experience this different mindset I'm able to keep my focus and not give into temptation.  Not that I don't find myself over indulging occasionally.  I just get back on track right away.  No more total derailments for me anymore.
Bring on the weekend!!!!!
This is my Soul mate Thomas and I on New Years Eve 2010

Monday, January 17, 2011

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Purging......clutter not food.

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Purging......clutter not food.: "I've been very motivated about clearing out the clutter in my life. The physical and emotional clutter. The physical clut..."

Purging......clutter not food.

I've been very motivated about clearing out the clutter in my life.  
The physical and emotional clutter. 
The physical clutter is the junk I've saved, moved from one state to another and back againI ask myself do I need this piece of paper? Is it important to anything in my immediate future? If not I throw out. I refuse to move the stack one more time. I'm in a deal with it or toss it mood.  If I don't want to deal with it I might as well toss it to save myself the effort next time I'd pick it up.
How freeing this has been for me!!!  I'm purging things from my past that have no importance in my life now.  
Closing my salon was another purging that has been a blessing.  I'll miss the wonderful time I spent talking to my clients while I did their nails. I developed very good friendships and I was blessed to be a part of their lives too.
The packing up is the hardest.  I have memories in each item I've used.  Either a memory of a client or class I took or place I worked.
I'm saving only the best most useful items for my youngest daughter who starts Nail school next month.  
The blessing is that I'm turning the salon room into a sewing room.  I'll be able to create clothing as I lose weight and make fun things to sell too.

I was forced to do an emotional purging last year.
I found out through a counselor that it's okay to let my adult children be held responsible for their decisions and I don't have to be their Mommy and fix it anymore. 
 Oh that was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.  I've since then purged out unhealthy people from my life.  I can't be around people who accept dysfunction in their lives and then whine and cry about how badly they are treated.
I've found that I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought possible.  I faced bad times and emotional turmoil in much healthier ways than in the past.

Purging has spilled over into my eating as well.  I'm not binging and purging, I'm making healthier choices at meal time.  I'm setting aside the clean plate thinking and giving myself permission to not eat it all.
I'm picking foods that I know will give my body the energy it needs and sustain my after workout recovery. 

Do you see where you might need to do your own purging?  Go for it, you'll find out how much you don't need that "thing" after all.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Excuses just don't cut it anymore

Despite being sick last week I went to the gym.  Granted I only went 2 days instead of the 4 I intended.  Monday morning I had to take my spry 79 year old Father to ER to stop his bleeding nose. I missed my morning workout and rescheduled it for the afternoon.  By noon I was feeling so crappy I just canceled it and paid the fee.  Tuesday I dragged myself there thinking, I only have to breath and push weights for 30 minutes.  I followed that with a tanning session and massage. By then I knew I was very sick and went straight to urgent care.  After chest x-rays I was told I had bronchitis.  I went home with medicine and instructions to take it easy. Ha! 
I had a little bit of a voice left the next morning, but went to work.  Dragged myself into the gym for my workout Thursday and my trainer ordered me to stay home the next 3 days to recover.
I feel like a million bucks now and am so glad I went in when I did.  Why I tortured myself with the workout, tanning and massage is beyond me.
It did get me to thinking about how easy it is to make excuses to not workout.  Dumb things like "Oh I didn't sleep well so I have to sleep later, I'll go tomorrow", "It's snowing outside so I shouldn't be out in it", "I woke up with a headache", "I have too many things to get done today so I just don't have time".
Have you made an excuse to not workout?  Did you feel bad later?  Did you make up for it the next day like you said you would?  Or did you just say "Oh well I'll start working out next Monday"?
It seems I always say I'll start on Monday like it has special powers to help me finish what I started.
Well, every day is Monday when changes need to happen.
If the Dr. told me I had to have emergency surgery and it was Tuesday would I say "Ok let's do it Monday?"  NO
I'd want to get it done right away and ask him Why are you still standing there, Go scrub!
The problem with weight is it goes on fast, but comes off s l o w l y!!!
I'm a very impatient person and want everything yesterday. I sound like a lot of people in the world.
So I need to put my mind into seeing the excuses as just what they are STALL tactics to avoid doing what I know needs to be done yesterday.
I make my workout training sessions in advance and write them in my datebook so I have no excuse to not go.  I see it as investing 30 minutes first thing in the morning so I can go through the day and not have that hanging over my head.  But I also know that I did something really good for myself and I can feel good about that as well.
Let's face it we all make excuses to get out of being honest with ourselves.  When asked "WHY" I did or didn't do something I have to stop and think and then be truthful about why I did or didn't do it.  Being truthful and honest is hard.  I wonder if I'll sound shallow or stupid when I give my answer, but I'm finding by being completely open that I am authentic to who I am as a person.  I'm able to say with all honesty that I don't like something or someone and why I feel that way without being defensive.  I know we usually find ourselves being defensive about decisions, but now I own them and move forward.
Today is a good day to start even if it is 4:00 p.m. I can start anything because all it takes is a decision on my part and actions to get it moving.  Or get me moving!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Getting sick kills motivation

I started out so gung ho. I got sick and my motivation is gone. HOWEVER, I have gone to work out this week.
I have bronchitis, found that out Tuesday after my workout and trip to Urgent Care.
Coughing hurts because my abs got worked hard Tuesday.  I did my workout this morning, my trainer told me to take the next 3 days off to get better. In fact she told me if she sees me in the gym she'll kick me out.
Well, I ended up losing my momentum the one that got me going on my mission to lose this weight once and for all.
I refuse to be this weight on December 31, 2011!!!
While I was at the gym I saw a young woman who literally was smaller than one of my thighs.  She looked anorexic and tanorexic. She was bone thin and tan.  It is January in Minne"snow"ta so tan is not as common.  I told the guy behind the check in counter I just wanted to give her a burger.  He just smiled, probably thought I was goofy.  I want to lose the weight, but I also know being THAT thin is unhealthy.  My goal for my 5'4" frame is 145 pounds. It is attainable and healthy for a 51 year old woman.
Here I sit on a Thursday evening thinking about how I got to this point and how I can get motivated again.
I picked up the book I purchased before my foot surgery in October. "It's All About Him" by Denise Jackson.
She has a love for God that has kept her going through all her not so happy times.  I plan on reading this book cover to cover.  It's good to have a faith that sustains me through my unhappy times.
My Atkins package arrived yesterday so I will be studying those books and also debating Weight Watchers since I know many people who have had great success on it too.
In the mean time I'm using portion control and getting better from this bout of Bronchitis. 
I know I start out my day with good intentions, but get lost at the end of the day.  I give in to temptation and impulse.  So I wonder what to do to handle those times.  I thought writing 199 post its would help....well not so much it seems. 
I KNOW that I shouldn't eat something and I barely put up a fight not to eat it.  I figure aww tomorrow I can restart. But I don't want to keep restarting. Good Grief this is insane thinking, but here I am thinking that way. I get mad at myself and think "Diana how stupid are you that you think you can do this anytime when you can't even do it for a week?"
I know I'm much stronger at resisting food when my husband is home at night with me.  Together we kept each other from night time eating or boredom eating. 
This is my project for the next few days. Finding my Mojo again and getting back on track because I'd like to be my own biggest loser!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Cravings and Crazings

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Cravings and Crazings: "I find myself hyper focused on picking the right foods to eat. I'm doing well on eating low carb. I'm eating veggie carbs only a..."

Cravings and Crazings

I find myself hyper focused on picking the right foods to eat.  I'm doing well on eating low carb.  I'm eating veggie carbs only and lots of protein.  I'm trying to add more fish as well.  
However, I drive by Starbucks or Caribou and immediately think about a Frapp or Cooler. I even thought about rewarding myself after every 10 pounds lost by getting one of my favorite drinks.   Then my crazy mind reminded me "Well DUH then you'd have to go thru withdrawal from sugar again, do you really want to do it AGAIN?" 
All it took was a trigger like a fast food place or my old treat hang out to get my mind side tracked. I've done too much work in the last 6 days to undo it now. 
I worked out twice this week so far and have two more workouts to go do.  I jumped on board and scheduled myself 5 workouts for next week.  I've paid for the workouts so I'm determined to go full speed ahead and push my body.
I feel good physically so I know the sugar withdrawal is easing up, but I still have the cravings.  Not unlike a drug addict or alcoholic craves the substance that sent them down into addiction. 
If being a food addict didn't involve EATING food it might be a little easier. But how can I let my addiction take over and not fight it?  I want to win and by winning I get my life back. I make the choices to eat healthy and live longer.  
I'd love to wake up one day and find my food decisions have become healthy decisions. 
In 2008 at my heaviest
There is always TOMORROW!!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Beginning of my journey

I started January 2, 2011.  Atkins diet. No more sugar or breads.  The hardest food to give up is fresh fruits. I will add those back later. 
The sugar withdrawl is very hard. I had a headache for 2 days, but not as bad as the last time I went on Atkins. 
I have my Personal trainer appointments all set for this week. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings.  Yesterday I worked out hard and even added more bike time at the end of the session. I came home to eat breakfast of Egg Beaters, shredded cheese and 3 strips of low sodium bacon. That kept me full and satisfied until lunch.   My trainer said to load up on protein after a workout because that is when your body needs the fuel to burn the fat.

I have put up sticky notes with the number 199 on it all over the house.  My reminder of what I am aiming for in this journey. I'm not stopping there, but that is my first big goal.  I'm down 3 pounds since Sunday so I have a good start. 
I've put my head into this so I know I can do it this time.  I just don't want to lose this weight again in the future. I'm sick of going backward. 
If you have any questions or comments I welcome the feedback.
Be the sunshine in this world of darkness!!!