Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Training for the rest of my life

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Training for the rest of my life: "Yesterday I did it again. I fired my trainer, well not really fired as in I said You're fired. More like, Look Dude your not fulfillin..."

Training for the rest of my life

Yesterday I did it again.  I fired my trainer, well not really fired as in I said You're fired. More like, Look Dude your not fulfilling your end of this bargain.  He was showing up late for our training session and was not motivating at all :(   I had had it with the lateness and lame excuses.  I found out a new trainer had started.  Christine, just the name made me feel better.  I talked to her before and after my last workout with the Dud(e).
She and I formed a bond right away, she is so excited to help me reach my goals and will guide me along the journey.  I have all my training sessions set up between tomorrow and July 1st. Starting with 3 times a week and in June going to 7 days a week.  
I have the commitment from her and I have the commitment from myself to get this show on the road literally.
I'm not getting younger and I'm not getting more flexible either.  I want to keep the good parts working and continue to fix the parts that need fixing.

I'm very happy and content just as I am now.  BUT (there's always a but) I want to get fit and lose this weight.  I feel like a failure some days, yet I know I'm just a food addict.  No rehab for food addiction.  Bulimia or anorexia yes, Overeaters have Overeaters Anonymous.  Just general food addicts have.....??
The world beats us up constantly.  You need to be a size 2 and be 5'8" and have long hair and wear stiletto's.  Hell NO!  Not this woman.   I've got real curves and plan on keeping them.  Maybe keep them in a more toned and smaller package.  
I'm being real, it's not going to be easy and everyday I start the fight over again.  I start to think I'm in "Ground Hog Day" the movie, every day I begin it again and need to try something different today.
My nights get to me.  I find myself wanting to hit the fridge or kitchen.  Sometimes I just lock myself in the bedroom and try to get to bed earlier.  When I'm asleep I can't eat!
I'm finding the key to me, to unlock what will be my A-Ha moment.  I've been reading and examining my own life to see why I turn to food for comfort.  
We all really are the sum of our past experiences.  
Have you had something happen in your past that caused you to turn to food for comfort?   Is it something you can talk to a friend about?  Or have you considered counseling to help move past it?  Journal writing is also a good release for pent up anger or frustration.  Or blog about it like me. LOL
Whatever you feel your dragging around with you from your past, maybe you should let it go and life your life NOW!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

DeRailed with a Cough

I have not written in a while.  I got sick with the flu and that cough lingered and then became Pertussis (whooping cough).  Talk about a DERAILMENT!!
I could barely breath let alone think about what I was eating or doing any exercising.  I did lose about 5 pounds when I was at my sickest because I had zero appetite.  I drank as much liquids as I could get into me.
Why did I let myself get off track?  Why did I just eat anything I felt like eating knowing in the back of my mind that I was trying to lose weight?
I truly believe weight loss is VERY emotionally driven as well as mentally driven. Knowing and doing are two different things entirely.  I know what I should do, but I don't always do it.
I know I sabotage myself when I let my thoughts flow to food.  I've been reading a book that talks about compulsive hypereating. It's a condition that causes some people to get locked into thoughts of food and eating. Thinking about a snack while eating breakfast and then while eating that snack thinking about lunch.  It's like an obsession with food.  I don't want to think about food.  I know when I drive to say my Chiropractor that there is a Burger King and McDonald's that I'll drive past.  I know that KFC is just around the corner too.  I get focused on whether or not I should stop and get something.  McDonald's is easy because I NEVER eat there anymore.  I know what I can eat from KFC and Burger King.  I'm not a fry eater so I skip those.  I'll get a burger or hot wings and soda then eat them on my drive home.
Did me writing about those places make you think about what foods you like from there too?
Did you start thinking about going to a fast food place too?
That is part of the compulsive hypereating disease/disorder.  As I learn more  about it I'll share with you how I unlearn the behaviors that have driven me to be a hypereater.
Now on to what I did RIGHT this week.  After finally stopping with the coughing I decided to get myself back on the track to eating right.
I took my focus off of food and started planning ahead.  I figured I needed to plan my meals in advance.  I'm eating Oatmeal for breakfast with fruit or yogurt.   I'm using cottage cheese as a snack since it is high in protein.  Lunch is either a salad from a salad bar at the grocery store and little or no dressing.  I pick out mainly veggies and berries.  Snack is more cottage cheese  or protein bar.  Dinner I tried to make all about veggies and protein again like chicken or fish.  Vowing to not eat after 8 p.m. has been hit or miss.  I am making the effort to go to bed early as staying up later leads to trips to the kitchen and we all know what that can mean.
Just by changing 1 thing in my routine I can make small strides in unlearning bad habits.  I'm taking the stairs at work, going down anyway.  I'm trying to park a little farther away to increase my steps.
I've also worked on changing the negative things I think about myself.  I know I'm a good person and can succeed in whatever I try to do.  Whenever I got off track I'd stay off track and defeat myself with negative thoughts.  Why?  I'm no worse than the person in the next car.  I'm no worse then the person next to me on the elevator.  Yet I beat myself up and hold myself to a higher standard.  I've replaced negative with positive thoughts.  I remind myself that I can resist that cookie/candy/doughnut in the office.  I don't have to even have one bite.  I'm in control and I will decide what I really want.  I can make the choice to eat something I want knowing I have the control to not go overboard with it.  If I know I can't eat just one potato chip I won't have any.  I know I can't eat just one M&M so why put my hand into the jar?  The sugar/salt/fat calls to me and compels me to come back for more.  I'll stick to what satisfies my nutritional needs and keep my body healthy.
I do envy the people who can exercise daily and always eat healthy foods.  Someday that will be me, until then I'll keep working on what drives me to eat bad foods.  I can reach my goals and so can you my friend!!
Now this Thursday is St. Patrick's Day so have yourself some Corned Beef and Cabbage and a Green beverage.