Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Putting all the pieces together

I've had 4 weeks to figure out this Weight Watchers Points Plus.  I'm on track and losing like I planned. 2 pounds a week is my goal. I've had my own little issues with this though.

I want to lose the weight so badly it's scary sometimes.  I know I can do it, but I find myself trying to sabotage my progress. WHY???  Why would I do that? Am I afraid of being healthier or thinner?  I know I'm terrified of how my skin will hang after these 80 pounds are gone.  If you've seen a pair of panty hose after they've been worn you know what I mean when I say "Will my skin look like that too?"  Well the answer is YES!  I see the skin already starting to hang a bit more, granted it's not as much, but still it hangs. I'll look like a shar pei all wrinkled and having hanging skin.  My arms already look like they have wings.  When I wave now my arms keep waving, even after I've stopped. My arms have big muscles that you can see when I flex them, but there is that flap of skin hanging all droopy down below it.  I do have to laugh at the things I do in front of a full length mirror when I'm alone. I wiggle and jiggle all my loose skin.  I'm trying to get an act together for the next America's Got Talent.  There could be a category for Jiggling and Juggling while dancing to Rihanna.
I go to the gym every week for an hour or more.  I go 4-6 times a week.  I felt like a slug by Saturday this last week because I hadn't gone Thursday or Friday.  I did have a valid excuse.  My Grandson was born at 12:18 p.m. on 11-10-11.  I was there and got to help my daughter give birth. An amazing experience and one that I will never forget.  My daughter handled that labor and delivery with barely a whimper. She was in pain, but she never yelled.  She did say she hoped it was a boy because she really didn't want to have another baby, EVER.
I was running on adrenalin and pure energy by Friday night.  Saturday we got them home and I took a 2 hour nap.  My husband had to go out of town again for work so I went to the gym. 
I can't be that into self sabotage if I'm going to the gym and doing 200+ calories on the treadmill and then doing another 30 minutes of weight machines and crunches. 
I had been finding myself SO hungry in the evenings the last two days.  I deduced it was because I'd get up at 7 a.m., have my cup of coffee and then go to the gym.  I'd wait about an hour before eating after I got home from my hour at the gym. My poor body was starving for food and it was going to make sure I fed it too.
Today, I got back on track.  I had my coffee as usual, but when I got home I sat down to a nice protein fueled breakfast THEN I took my shower.  I blended up a fruit smoothie to drink on the way to work.
I felt much better this morning.  
Okay now to explain how this WW (weight watchers) works for ME.  You can't follow my plan because it may not work for you.  I like how they give me the points I need to have each day and then let me find my own foods to eat.  They have suggestions, but I can find foods to eat at any restaurant I go to.
I can eat any fruit because they have 0 points.  However, I'm not supposed to eat 12 bananas for breakfast, for example.  I've found WW english muffins and WW yogurts are yummy and low in points.  I try to eat an apple every day along with a banana.  I make frozen fruit smoothies.  I only use fruit without added sugar and I'll add vitamin water or coffee to help it blend up better.  I LOVE those smoothies.  I'll find a way to add veggies to them some day.  I find spinach is too green and I get pieces of it in my teeth.  That doesn't look so nice when I smile, I'm a receptionist so I can't have green bits in my teeth.
Lunch is a WW frozen meal.  It's quick and easy.  Snacks are usually hummus and WW dijon pretzels.  String cheese, a progresso light soup with most of the juice drained off makes a filling snack with lots of veggies.  I've bought the WW snacks and some of them I really like, but find myself using those as my points instead of real food like proteins that my body needs so badly when I work out like I have been doing.
Every day is my new beginning.  I can start over again and do the day better, maybe by not eating candy or getting a little more sleep or even taking time to just hold a baby while he sleeps.
Babies don't care what your weight is or how many wrinkles you have on your face or body :-)

Yesterday I was at the gym and was doing my after workout stretching.  I noticed a young woman waiting by the trainers desk.  I assumed she was waiting for the DUD (the trainer I had "fired" in April) .  I see her talking to another trainer and then she's making a phone call.  I hear her talking to DUD and listening to his lame excuse about how his phone was set on vibrate and he didn't hear it to wake up.   I watched her go upstairs to get on a treadmill, bike or elliptical machine. I debated, should I go tell her about my experience with DUD or not.  How would it have been for me if someone had spared me weeks of his lateness and lame excuses by telling me what his work ethic was?  I would have had those sessions with a trainer who showed up on time and truly cared enough about my gym time to invest in me 100% sooner.  You know what I did!!
I walked upstairs and found her.  I told her that she should find another trainer, preferably a female, who would be on time and not give excuses for being late.  She told me this was the first time, I told her that if it keeps happening then find a different one.  I told her that she can do this and she can succeed.  She shared with me that she is a Mom of 3 children all under 5.  I hope she takes my advice because today I overheard the DUD telling his client how he'd gone to see Guns N Roses Sunday night. I read in the paper that the concert ended at 2 a.m. Gee I wonder why he didn't wake up on time?  LIAR!!   I'm so done with the liars like him.  I lost any ounce of respect I had left for him in that instant.  
I'm happier now than I have been in years.  I have my life under control and I have my goals in sight now.
I can achieve successful weight loss. AND I don't have to suffer through lying trainers who only care about themselves and not their clients.  Christine, I miss seeing you at the gym when I go now.  I miss you waving at me when you'd spot me on the tread mill before our workout sessions. Nothing beats a trainer who truly cares about how the client succeeds after the paid sessions have ended. Thank You for caring about my future success.
Isaak Thomas- 9 pounds 2 ounces 22 inches born on 11/10/11

1 comment:

  1. Hi Diana.

    Wow, I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who has those feelings. I am desperate to lose weight and when I do, I end up sabataging myself. I lost down to 180 and that's when I freaked out. I felt like I was losing my protective barrier. I've kept myself protected by being overweight. People don't look at me as attractive. People don't look at me in general. If they do, I feel they see some elephant and just kind of shake their heads and go, "wow, look at the fat lady." For a good portion of my life, I've been told I'm fat. Even when I weighted 130 and was in high school, I was told I was fat. I always felt like I was huge, so when I added 90 more pounds, it didn't seem like I was as overweight as I truly am. I'm still fat.

    I also worry about the skin that will hang off me. I can look at myself in the mirror and see what my body is supposed to look like and I'm disgusted that I've allowed myself to be the weight I am. I'm so unhappy and yet I feel like I've tried just about anything and I don't have the tools I need to be able to eat healthy and work out. I know this isn't true...I can chose to eat foods that are better for me. I can chose to get off my ass and go for a walk. I hate myself for not doing it and yet I don't know how to start. It seems so overwhelming. I am desperate for help and don't know how to get it. Most days it just seems a losing battle. I'm lucky in the fact that my health is good. I don't have high blood pressure or any of the other typical health complications people who are obese have. That is a blessing. Most days I just wish I could have the body I want and feel helpless.

    Congratulations on a healthy grandson and hope your daughter recovers well and quickly.