Terrible week......Turns into Thankfullness

I'm not moving from this spot!

What an incredibly crap-o-la week?  Yes it was.  My beloved dog Captain Barbossa died suddenly on Wednesday morning.  That dog would lick anything and everything.  The chair, the floor, the rug, the air- ANYTHING.  But oh how we loved him. Every annoying thing he did made him so loveable. He gave 200% unconditional love to everyone he met.  He barked to announce “Mommies home” when he heard the garage door opening.  He barked to let us know someone had come to visit.  Sometimes he didn’t think we knew and he’d bark the entire time the visitor Bob was there. 

Isaak it's not a wig it's all my hair

  He let my grandkids pull his hair and he happily ate everything they dropped while eating.  He was willing to be that kind of helper and keep my floors clear of food and anything else he could lick off the floor or chairs.

Mommy I got lots of kisses for you

I have never understood the way a dog loves his humans.  I watched Captain get stepped on, yet come back for more.  I’d get frustrated and yell at him to not keep getting under my feet. Look, a cast with a kneely wheely is not conducive for a tail wagging, four-legged, fuzzy buddy.  I just didn’t want to hurt him again, his cry of pain cut right thru to my heart.  Yet he always got under my feet because he just had to be near Mommy.

shhh I'm sleeping with my snowman

Now my life feels a bit empty without my “Cappy Tan” to greet me after work.  I hear noises and it’s not his cute snoring or his sleeping dreams. 

Captain at Ren Fest 2010

Captain Barbossa

We’ve decided to adopt another fur-baby and give another dog a happy home.  Pearl is the little Pekingese we spotted last month, but decided to wait on because we didn’t think Captain would like an attention stealer in HIS home.  He died so we could give Pearl a fur-ever home of her own.  Thank you Captain.  She’s younger than Captain was when we got him 3 years ago.  Captain was 10 when we adopted him. Pearl is 3 years old so I hope we have 10+ years with her.    My Grandkids can grow up with a dog at Grandma and Grandpa’s house now.

I had planned on blogging about my meal plans and such, but after my fuzzy buddy died it all just seemed meaningless.  I loved that little dog and he even got my grumpy Father to love him too. My Father just admitted last week that he “loves that little dog” to our friends. He’d never tell us, but we already knew it.  Him saying it just brought it home to everyone else. 

Pearl

He may be almost 81, but he sure enjoyed every walk he went on with the dogs we’ve adopted.  His first question is usually “Can the dog walk on a leash?”  We know he’s hooked the first time he snaps the leash on the collar and heads out the door.  You see my Father doesn’t walk the dog, the dog walks HIM.  The dog dictates where they go and how far they go every time they step out the door!

Rest In Peace Captain and I’ll be seeing you, Simon, Amber, Tucker, Duke, Smokey and Butchy at the Rainbow Bridge.

Give a pet a loving home this Christmas. I promise you won’t regret it!!!

http://www.pncmidwest.org/

http://www.petfinder.com/index.html

Thanks for giving me Turkey in 2010 and for such a great NON fur family!!

Fall into new things

Lake Minnetonka, Minnesota

As I approach my 53^rd birthday I can look back and see the many changes I’ve gone thru in just the last 10 years.

I once had a very narrow view of life and in the world around me.  Now I’m able to view the world with a panoramic vision.  I see how A affects B and how B affects C, but not A.  I used to have such a one dimensional perspective of how my life impacted or didn’t impact other peoples’ lives.  Today I know that my words and actions can have significant impact on people I may never meet in person.  The internet has opened me to many more perspectives on world views, politics as well as how I choose to live my life.

I’m inspired by people I’ve met online who are fighting the same battles I am and are winning as well.

My weight loss battle is going slow.  Being in this cast has sidelined me and I’m not happy about it at all.  I know this is to be expected as I can’t do any real exercising.  I’m mainly maintaining my weight.  No big gains or losses so I’m learning to live with it.   Every journey has a detour on its route.  Mine is lasting 3 months, but I will reach my goals taking things one day at a time.

I’m much more conscious of how I’m feeling and what I’m eating than I was 2 months ago.  I’m reaching for food when I’m bored, not hungry.  So if I’m reaching for foods I’m trying to upgrade my choices from junk to healthy food like fruit or fiber rich snacks.  I’m more aware of feeling full and trying to eat slowly.  I can always eat more food later if I’m still hungry.  I don’t need to gorge myself until I’m feeling so full I’m in pain.  I’m putting my fork down and enjoying the taste of the food rather than eating it so fast that I don’t even remember how it tasted.  You know how you remember something you once ate and it tasted SO yummy and good you just can’t forget it.  The sad thing is when we do eat that food again, our memory might have remembered it tasting much better than it actually tastes.  I hate when that happens, but I’m learning to just enjoy the memory and not fight to go find that food again to relive that memorable taste.  I’ve been disappointed too many times.

It’s a bit like the memory one might have of a first love.  Oh the memories are of this great person and how they made your stomach feel all tingly.  As long as we hold on to just the happy memories we’re fine, but once we go deeper and remember the painful moments of that first love and how it ended….. Well maybe it’s just better to leave that in the past as a happy memory and look to your present or future for the REAL love in your life.

I’ve recently had a chance to explore the past and relive some of the more painful memories of growing up.  I had people tease me about my weight.  Merciless teasing so it got to the point that I dreaded school and thought about ending my life.  I never thought anyone would truly love me OPENLY in front of other people.  I lived for YEARS hating one guy from school for his constant teasing.  I thought of revenge many times, but would never act on it.  Why waste my time and energy on a loser like Jeff  S.?  I have much more to offer than hatred and anger.

I’m much happier in my life today than I was 10 years ago.  I was unhappy and miserable. I just wanted someone to love me just the way I was and not try to change me.  Love me openly for the whole world to see.  God heard my prayers and sent me to Thomas.  Thomas needed someone to love him just the way he was too.  No trying to change who he is and I love him openly with all my heart.  Together we have enjoyed a great journey so far and our journeys continue every day.  We live to be with each other not to escape each other.  We decided long ago we are TEAM G!

When you’re on the right team the whole world is open before you.

CASTing my cares away

I'm sporting a lovely baby blue cast on my right foot.

Oh boy I forgot just what this surgery was going to entail for me.  No driving, lots of pain and NO independence.  

I am happy to report that my weight did go down a little after I got weighed and knew what my weight was post surgery and casted up nicely.

The most surprising thing is I'm not really hungry and attribute that to my lack of burning much energy to move around.   I'm not having to refuel my muscles after a workout so there's no need to eat more to offset the muscle rebuilding.

The best part of being home for the last 3 weeks is the time I've spent with my 9 month old Grandson Isaak.

My oldest daughter has been "Old Lady Sitting" me while my Father is at work and my husband is working.

Isaak giggles as soon as he sees me. It's so cute how he smiles and gets excited to see me.  I'll be in baby with-drawl once I go back to work and don't see him so much.  I play a little game to distract him while Mommy tries to change his diapers, he likes to crawl away while being changed.  I grab his foot and blow a razzberry on it.  He giggles and grabs his other foot. I grab the other foot and do it to that one and he giggles again.  Now I just blow a quick puff of air at his face and he starts laughing.   I guess I'm the funny Grandma now.  

Being unable to go to the gym to workout has been tough.  I miss the endorphins of a good hard workout session.  Pulling my kneely wheely up and down the 3 steps in the garage is not a great weight lifting session, but it is an arm workout.  I've got to get into a routine of using my hand weights and doing some bed yoga.  If I lay down on the floor I'm not getting back up without help.  I'm not allowed to put any weight on my right foot until November 10, 2012.  That's 9 weeks away.  I have caught up on a LOT of missed sleep however.

Before I went in for surgery I got my haircut and had some family time to prepare.  I knew this recovery was going to be rough. 

When a fellow blogger died a week after my surgery I was stunned.  She had just turned 49 that morning.  Please go get your heart checked. I'm talking blood pressure, if it's high get on meds!!!  If your cholesterol is high get medication for that and work on changing your diet.  Less saturated fats and more fresh fruit and vegetables.  It's the little things that will help the most.  Getting daily exercise is extremely important too.

I'm keeping this short today because it was just 2 weeks ago that Lynn Hudson left this earth to be with God.  I wanted to Honor her memory by dedicating my blog to her.  God Bless You Lynn and may the Love you poured out on all who knew you be a light to our path to a bright and happy future. I'm blessed to have known you and honored that you promoted my blog so freely.  Love and Blessings, Diana

Pretty toe nails with my pretty baby blue cast!!

 

Lost in............

Lost in translation!  That’s how I’ve felt these last few months.  I’ve lost my translation book for weight loss.  I started out knowing the language and translating for anyone who would listen.

Look I know how hard it is to stay strong and keep my mouth off the sugary stuff.  I’m addicted to FOOD!!!!  (I saw this last night and felt it might be something to look into http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18560_162-57481946/is-sugar-toxic/?tag=contentMain;cbsCarousel )

I don’t enjoy being a food addict.  

It makes me sad inside and beats up my self esteem every time the addict gets a fix.

Every Saturday I go to my Weight Watchers meeting for my “Accountability time” as I call it on my “foursquare” check ins. http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/mtf/index.aspx

https://foursquare.com/

I need to keep being accountable to myself. I can cheat when I write down what I’m eating, but that dang scale NEVER cheats.  It says “Yeah I know you took one bite of that cookie even if you didn’t eat the whole thing at one time”.

A bite here and lick there all adds up as calories even if we don’t log it. It still happened.

I’ve been up and not losing weight in the last few months.  I’m not blaming anyone or anything, but me.  It’s my fault and I’m taking responsibility for my own weight gain.  

This no longer fits me, its TOO big. Husband and I 8/16/08 for my 30 yr reunion

Now don’t get me wrong here, but sometimes when I see someone losing weight faster than me I get embarrassed, I guess it must be that feeling, because I’m happy for them.  I love seeing others lose their weight.  I know they are gaining heath and their own happiness.  I just can’t help but be embarrassed that my own weight loss stalled. All the questions like: “Why can’t I lose it like he/she is losing it?” come into my mind.  Well, DUH it’s because that person is not me!  Plain and simple they are on their own journey.  I hear so many stories at my WW meetings of people just 5-10 pounds from their goal weight and they struggle for months to get there. 

To my thinking that last 5-10 should be easy to lose, but those can be the hardest.  It got me to thinking of how frustrating weight loss can be for anyone.  Some people start out with hundreds of pounds to lose and others have just mere single digit pounds to lose.  I think (I do a lot of thinking) that when a person has more pounds to lose say 200, they begin a program like Weight Watchers and begin losing it in 5-10 pound increments. Why do you suppose that is?  They get more points than those with say 80 pounds to lose who get a minimum of 30-34 points plus per day.  The usual lowest is 29 points plus per day with the extra 49 points plus per week.  The extra 49 is what I call the party points. If I go to a party I have extra points for that party to enjoy more points plus for the event.

Me 11/26/09

The weight seems to drip off the person with more to lose than the person with less to lose to reach their goal weight.  So my slower loss is nothing to be embarrassed about because it’s my journey.

I can do this.  I’ve been working at it for years already and look how far I’ve come.  I’m NEVER giving up because this is my journey and I’m seeing it to the very end. 

With that stated I’ve got a new battle that begins this Friday, August 10^th, 2012.  Foot surgery L I know I need it because the last few weeks has felt like I’m walking on a pin that jabs into my foot at random moments.  Getting old sucks big time.  Arthritis is not for sissies.

Isaak 8 months old

I’ve got my plans set I just need to get everyone around me on my plan too.  I know what I can eat and have begun planning my menu with charts to log what I’ve eaten.  Plus I’ll have my oldest daughter to help me out while my husband and father are at work.  The best part is my grandson Isaak, who turns 9 months the day of my surgery, will be visiting with Mommy.    I get Grandma time while home for 3 ½ weeks.  The 3 months of not putting weight on the foot will be tough and the no gym workouts will have its own challenges.

I have my own hand held weights and medicine ball to use so I can workout at home in my own handicapped way.  Imagine losing your mobility for 3-6 months i.e; no driving, running, stairs or swimming?  That will be very hard for me.  I like to be independent and will miss my own autonomy.  Being dependent on others is hard for me.  I’ll try to do as much on my own as possible.

Now I’d like to mention a few things about “Weight Loss Surgery”  

It has been in the news a lot lately.  It has its pluses and minuses.  For the record in 1980 I had a Gastric Bypass using the 20/80 stapling technique.  They stapled the upper portion of my stomach 3/4ths of the way across and left the lower portion intact and attached.  I was just weeks shy of my 21^st birthday.  I weighed 254 pounds.  I wore a size 26/28 and had tried everything short of stapling my mouth shut.

So you see WLS is not a permanent solution.  I popped staples, got an ulcer and needed additional surgery in 1985.  Plus, I had my gall bladder removed in 1982.  I also was more of a guinea pig back then, it was before the “pouch rules” came out.  This is the link to everything you need to know post op for bariatric surgery http://bariatrictv.com/

If I were looking into doing and WLS at this time of my life and had not had previous surgery I’d choose Lap Band surgery, but I’m lovin WW and its approach to safe weight loss.

Have you struggled to stay on your own journey?  Do you feel frustrated by your slow weight loss?  Do you feel empowered to keep on your own journey when you see others being successful as they travel on their journey?

Offer someone an encouraging word today.  Let your friend know how much you admire him/her. Give that barista a big smile when he or she hands you your coffee or tea.  Everyone needs an “Atta Boy” “Good Job” “Thanks I appreciate that” every now and then.  You might be the only person to give any cheerfulness to them today.  Go ahead Make Their Day!!

Me and my husband 9/7/09 down many pounds and enjoying the Minnesota Renaissance Festival

What does it mean to live your life with Joy, Purpose, and Conscious Choice?

Far too many of us live lives of worry, rather than lives of joy. It doesn't have to be that way. Every life is full of challenges - some lives are given seemingly insurmountable challenges. But each of us, at every moment, has the ability to make conscious choices about the life we have been dealt. To some extent, we can make positive changes in our circumstances. To a far greater extent, we can choose to accept and adapt to our circumstances with grace and joy. Living joyfully is always a choice.

May today be your day to dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Where do I go from here?

Here I am at the last day of May and only down a total of 41 pounds since 2008.

I was feeling rather discouraged until I remembered I’m not going back to that weight ever again.

I’ve been doing a lot of evaluating about my past attempts at weight loss and can glean from each experience something to use on my journey.

Some days just need a good Vodka and some sewing time!

My Atkins Diet gave me insight into how addictive sugar and some carbs are to me (I’ll keep this about me today and not include other people).  Once I eliminated carbs down to 20 grams a day I found that I didn’t crave them anymore.  I was able to avoid sugary foods and not be bothered by it.

My Exercise and My Fitness Pal calorie counting taught me about the need to fuel my body before and after a workout.   I needed to fuel with the correct foods.  Protein and veggies were important for building muscles.  My muscles grew and with it my strength improved. Using My Fitness Pal helped me track what I was eating and how much of what I was getting to enjoy a balanced diet.  My weight dropped, but the best part was building my muscle strength and stamina.

Weight Watchers helped me control my bingeing and gave me the tools to eat healthy too.  I’m able to see what causes me to over eat or emotionally eat my feelings.

So, here I am wondering why this weight is not just melting off my body.  I know what I’m doing wrong, I’m eating ha ha.  I’m without my e-tools so I’m having to use my memory to help me remember the points plus values of the foods I’m eating that are not Weight Watchers foods.  This has been a bit frustrating.  I decided to take advantage of the discount my insurance gives for me to be on WW, but I don’t have access to e-tools now. ::sigh:: I know fruits are zero points and so are most vegetables so that parts easy.  The hard part is remembering the other stuff I eat.  I have to be able to do this without leaning on the e-tools app on my phone.  I’m 52 years old and dang it I can do this! 

I’ve dealt with my Arthritis and ups and downs of being sick from different bugs I’ve picked up here and there.

My best tool has been WATER, yup good ol’ H2O.  I make sure I drink 5- 20 ounce bottles a day.  I’m trying to not use Crystal Light packets as much even if they are sugar free I learned they can make you crave sweets.  Sun Tea is soooo yummy and refreshing to my palate.  I discovered chocolate covered bananas in the frozen food section recently and I.AM.ADDICTED. Only 4 points plus for one of those treats.

Bibs for Isaak

Isaak wearing his Pooh bib

I’ve begun sewing again so that keeps me busy and I can’t eat while sewing, or I should say I choose not to eat while I sew.  I drink my water, listen to Pandora on my iPhone and create things. 

I find I need to be busy otherwise I just want to graze and that will not help me reach my goals.

I have had so many good things happen lately and I feel so peaceful with my life now.  The commercial I was part of making last year just started airing and it’s weird to see myself 30 pounds heavier in them. In fact the shirt I’m wearing is toooo big for me now. I’m keeping it to show myself how far I’ve come in a year.

Here’s the link  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kemQd79pNtU#!

Christina 25th birthday dress I made her

I had a blast modeling for C.J. Banks at their Mall of America location a few weeks ago.  It showed me I can really do anything I set my mind to doing.

I’m still consistently getting over 7,000 steps a day even when I don’t or can’t go to the gym.

I think I’ll just keep going on this journey and not let myself get side tracked or give up.  Giving up is NOT an option!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel sad when I see friends who I love dearly gaining weight or not taking care of their health.  This is the only body we get and it’s the only life we get to live.  Why not start today to make it the very best for YOURSELF?

I know I can’t lecture anyone else on their weight when I’m over weight myself, but I know I’m trying to get healthier so I’ll just be an example.

My blood work from a Bio metric screening came back and to my surprise and my Doctors it was pretty good. My overall cholesterol was just a bit up, but my good cholesterol was high.  The Doctor said “Your hard work at the gym is paying off”. That made my day.  It also proved I’m doing the right weight loss plan.  I’m taking the weight off slowly and in a healthy way now too.  Weight Watchers works for everyone, even those that are diabetic can do it and lose while keeping their blood sugar within the limits the Doctors set.

It’s really up to me and you.  I’m in charge of my mouth and my own health.  You are too, so why not be healthier for your future?

It really is where we go from this moment forward.  I’m going to stay on my weight loss journey and you can come along with me if you’d like.  Let’s go, the train is about to leave the station on the next leg of the journey!

Going Down steps is easier than..

going UP. Up works your muscles harder