Thursday, January 13, 2011

Getting sick kills motivation

I started out so gung ho. I got sick and my motivation is gone. HOWEVER, I have gone to work out this week.
I have bronchitis, found that out Tuesday after my workout and trip to Urgent Care.
Coughing hurts because my abs got worked hard Tuesday.  I did my workout this morning, my trainer told me to take the next 3 days off to get better. In fact she told me if she sees me in the gym she'll kick me out.
Well, I ended up losing my momentum the one that got me going on my mission to lose this weight once and for all.
I refuse to be this weight on December 31, 2011!!!
While I was at the gym I saw a young woman who literally was smaller than one of my thighs.  She looked anorexic and tanorexic. She was bone thin and tan.  It is January in Minne"snow"ta so tan is not as common.  I told the guy behind the check in counter I just wanted to give her a burger.  He just smiled, probably thought I was goofy.  I want to lose the weight, but I also know being THAT thin is unhealthy.  My goal for my 5'4" frame is 145 pounds. It is attainable and healthy for a 51 year old woman.
Here I sit on a Thursday evening thinking about how I got to this point and how I can get motivated again.
I picked up the book I purchased before my foot surgery in October. "It's All About Him" by Denise Jackson.
She has a love for God that has kept her going through all her not so happy times.  I plan on reading this book cover to cover.  It's good to have a faith that sustains me through my unhappy times.
My Atkins package arrived yesterday so I will be studying those books and also debating Weight Watchers since I know many people who have had great success on it too.
In the mean time I'm using portion control and getting better from this bout of Bronchitis. 
I know I start out my day with good intentions, but get lost at the end of the day.  I give in to temptation and impulse.  So I wonder what to do to handle those times.  I thought writing 199 post its would help....well not so much it seems. 
I KNOW that I shouldn't eat something and I barely put up a fight not to eat it.  I figure aww tomorrow I can restart. But I don't want to keep restarting. Good Grief this is insane thinking, but here I am thinking that way. I get mad at myself and think "Diana how stupid are you that you think you can do this anytime when you can't even do it for a week?"
I know I'm much stronger at resisting food when my husband is home at night with me.  Together we kept each other from night time eating or boredom eating. 
This is my project for the next few days. Finding my Mojo again and getting back on track because I'd like to be my own biggest loser!

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