Counting by Numbers

How many times do we decide our worth based on a number?  Be it the amount of money you have in the bank, on your paycheck, credit rating or weight.    Today I was so excited about dropping a few pounds.  I took a picture of the scale reading and sent it to my trainer and my husband (he was out of town working).     I was so excited about going to the gym that I sent a text to my husband that said "Sleep well my love. 230 is calling me so I'm off to the gym".  I proceeded to send it.  Now let me back up a second, I don't make it a point to tell anyone, but my husband, trainer and daughters my real weight.  My cellphone is set up to send and receive  messages for my Twitter.  My husbands name is Tom.  So when I sent HIM the text it actually went to Twitter.  Oh My Gosh, the look on my face must have been priceless as I realized my mistake.  I don't have a bunch of people on twitter only 20 followers so I really shouldn't have been embarrassed.   I erased it when I got home from the gym.  It was so silly to be embarrassed about my weight.   

Society makes weight a HUGE issue with women especially.   How many times have we heard physical appearance mentioned when reading about a woman?  Whether it's beauty or height or weight it is always being judged by someone.   

I read an article recently about how a woman had lost weight because of sickness, she was told she looked great, even when she explained she had been very sick. She said some women seemed envious.  Cancer, Mono or the flu is not a weight loss tool.   Being sick may make you lose weight, but really, would someone wish for Cancer to lose the unwanted weight?  The side effect of this kind of weight loss could be death.   Do we really want to be thinner at the cost of our life?  Yet so many young girls (and some guys) take weight loss to extremes and become anorexic and/or bulimic.  

I don't want my children or grandchildren to be weight obsessed like I have been my whole life.  

I admit I am obsessed with  changing numbers now.  I just want to lose this weight and be healthier. 

I have to get over being embarrassed to say my weight.  My trainer always says my weight OUT LOUD in the gym where everyone can hear her. Why does this bother me so much?    Like a Taylor Swift lyric "You have pointed out my flaws again As if I don't already see them" I know I'm overweight.  No one needs to tell me.  In high school I was teased mercilessly by one boy in particular.  I hated him for 30 years because of his hurtful words. I finally realized he probably didn't even know he'd hurt me with his words. I knew I needed to take the power back. I let those words hold a power over me for too many years. Wasted years that I'll never get back.  Today when I think of him and those words I pray that his life has been touched in some way that he knows only love and not hurt from others.

So I'll tell everyone I weigh 233 today.  On March 23, 2008 I weighed 267.  I have MUCH to be thankful for and even more to be proud of today.  I weighed 255 on April 22, 2011.  I have lost and gained the same 22 pounds in the last 3 years.   I'm tired of doing the yo-yo so this time I'm losing it for good. THIS time I have all the tools I need and am pulling on the inner strength to complete my mission.  God is my strength and he is not going to give up on me so I'm not giving up on me either.

I go to the gym 5 days a week and work out 5-7 hours a week. I'm building up strong arms, legs, back and emotional esteem. 

I have friends who are cheering me on and reading my blog.  I'm inspiring family members to fight their own battles with weight.  I just want to be an example of a woman who has fought with her weight and is not giving up and accepting defeat.  Defeat is definitely NOT an option. 

It is okay to count the numbers, but it is more important to count your blessings.  The blessings of the people around you, the helpful articles or blogs.  Look around you and see who else is on this same journey, maybe he/she needs encouragement to get thru today so their journey can keep going tomorrow.  Everyday is a fight to keep going in a positive direction.  If I can do this at 51 (almost 52 YIKES) you can do this at your age! 
Let's go out and flaunt it in the gym, right along with the fit women that are there fighting to keep themselves in shape.
Rock It Baby!!!! 

San Francisco June 2011 Diana and Thomas