Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Training for the rest of my life

Big and Beautiful is not all it's cracked up to be: Training for the rest of my life: "Yesterday I did it again. I fired my trainer, well not really fired as in I said You're fired. More like, Look Dude your not fulfillin..."

Training for the rest of my life

Yesterday I did it again.  I fired my trainer, well not really fired as in I said You're fired. More like, Look Dude your not fulfilling your end of this bargain.  He was showing up late for our training session and was not motivating at all :(   I had had it with the lateness and lame excuses.  I found out a new trainer had started.  Christine, just the name made me feel better.  I talked to her before and after my last workout with the Dud(e).

She and I formed a bond right away, she is so excited to help me reach my goals and will guide me along the journey.  I have all my training sessions set up between tomorrow and July 1st. Starting with 3 times a week and in June going to 7 days a week.  

I have the commitment from her and I have the commitment from myself to get this show on the road literally.

I'm not getting younger and I'm not getting more flexible either.  I want to keep the good parts working and continue to fix the parts that need fixing.

I'm very happy and content just as I am now.  BUT (there's always a but) I want to get fit and lose this weight.  I feel like a failure some days, yet I know I'm just a food addict.  No rehab for food addiction.  Bulimia or anorexia yes, Overeaters have Overeaters Anonymous.  Just general food addicts have.....??

The world beats us up constantly.  You need to be a size 2 and be 5'8" and have long hair and wear stiletto's.  Hell NO!  Not this woman.   I've got real curves and plan on keeping them.  Maybe keep them in a more toned and smaller package.  

I'm being real, it's not going to be easy and everyday I start the fight over again.  I start to think I'm in "Ground Hog Day" the movie, every day I begin it again and need to try something different today.

My nights get to me.  I find myself wanting to hit the fridge or kitchen.  Sometimes I just lock myself in the bedroom and try to get to bed earlier.  When I'm asleep I can't eat!

I'm finding the key to me, to unlock what will be my A-Ha moment.  I've been reading and examining my own life to see why I turn to food for comfort.  

We all really are the sum of our past experiences.  

Have you had something happen in your past that caused you to turn to food for comfort?   Is it something you can talk to a friend about?  Or have you considered counseling to help move past it?  Journal writing is also a good release for pent up anger or frustration.  Or blog about it like me. LOL

Whatever you feel your dragging around with you from your past, maybe you should let it go and life your life NOW!

DeRailed with a Cough

I have not written in a while.  I got sick with the flu and that cough lingered and then became Pertussis (whooping cough).  Talk about a DERAILMENT!!

I could barely breath let alone think about what I was eating or doing any exercising.  I did lose about 5 pounds when I was at my sickest because I had zero appetite.  I drank as much liquids as I could get into me.

Why did I let myself get off track?  Why did I just eat anything I felt like eating knowing in the back of my mind that I was trying to lose weight?

I truly believe weight loss is VERY emotionally driven as well as mentally driven. Knowing and doing are two different things entirely.  I know what I should do, but I don't always do it.

I know I sabotage myself when I let my thoughts flow to food.  I've been reading a book that talks about compulsive hypereating. It's a condition that causes some people to get locked into thoughts of food and eating. Thinking about a snack while eating breakfast and then while eating that snack thinking about lunch.  It's like an obsession with food.  I don't want to think about food.  I know when I drive to say my Chiropractor that there is a Burger King and McDonald's that I'll drive past.  I know that KFC is just around the corner too.  I get focused on whether or not I should stop and get something.  McDonald's is easy because I NEVER eat there anymore.  I know what I can eat from KFC and Burger King.  I'm not a fry eater so I skip those.  I'll get a burger or hot wings and soda then eat them on my drive home.

Did me writing about those places make you think about what foods you like from there too?

Did you start thinking about going to a fast food place too?

That is part of the compulsive hypereating disease/disorder.  As I learn more  about it I'll share with you how I unlearn the behaviors that have driven me to be a hypereater.

Now on to what I did RIGHT this week.  After finally stopping with the coughing I decided to get myself back on the track to eating right.

I took my focus off of food and started planning ahead.  I figured I needed to plan my meals in advance.  I'm eating Oatmeal for breakfast with fruit or yogurt.   I'm using cottage cheese as a snack since it is high in protein.  Lunch is either a salad from a salad bar at the grocery store and little or no dressing.  I pick out mainly veggies and berries.  Snack is more cottage cheese  or protein bar.  Dinner I tried to make all about veggies and protein again like chicken or fish.  Vowing to not eat after 8 p.m. has been hit or miss.  I am making the effort to go to bed early as staying up later leads to trips to the kitchen and we all know what that can mean.

Just by changing 1 thing in my routine I can make small strides in unlearning bad habits.  I'm taking the stairs at work, going down anyway.  I'm trying to park a little farther away to increase my steps.

I've also worked on changing the negative things I think about myself.  I know I'm a good person and can succeed in whatever I try to do.  Whenever I got off track I'd stay off track and defeat myself with negative thoughts.  Why?  I'm no worse than the person in the next car.  I'm no worse then the person next to me on the elevator.  Yet I beat myself up and hold myself to a higher standard.  I've replaced negative with positive thoughts.  I remind myself that I can resist that cookie/candy/doughnut in the office.  I don't have to even have one bite.  I'm in control and I will decide what I really want.  I can make the choice to eat something I want knowing I have the control to not go overboard with it.  If I know I can't eat just one potato chip I won't have any.  I know I can't eat just one M&M so why put my hand into the jar?  The sugar/salt/fat calls to me and compels me to come back for more.  I'll stick to what satisfies my nutritional needs and keep my body healthy.
I do envy the people who can exercise daily and always eat healthy foods.  Someday that will be me, until then I'll keep working on what drives me to eat bad foods.  I can reach my goals and so can you my friend!!
Now this Thursday is St. Patrick's Day so have yourself some Corned Beef and Cabbage and a Green beverage.

Running out of time and patience

It's time I give you all a peek into my workout routine.  
I start my gym time with a warm up for 10 - 15 minutes on the treadmill or stationary bike. I don't go super fast since I'm only warming up my muscles before my trainer tries to make them wobbly.
My last training session reads like this.....

Upper body

Dual Cable Cross   Set 1)  20#  15 reps  Set 2)  25#  15 reps   Set 3) 20#  15 reps

Tricep Extention Rope  Set 1) 50#  15 reps  Set 2)  50#  15 Reps  Set 3)  50#  15 reps

Deltoid Fly Front    Set 1) 50#  15 reps  Set 2)  50#  15 reps   Set 3)  50#  15 reps

Deltoid Fly Back   Set 1)  50#  15 reps   Set 2)  50#  15 reps  Set 3)  50#  15 reps

Lateral Pull     Set 1) 55#  15 reps   Set 2) 55#  15 reps

Chest Press Machine  60#  15 reps

Abs on bench  10

Crunches 10

So for a break down of this I didn't start whining or thinking of hurting her until the abs crunching at the end.
I don't know if this means I'm doing good or so so or great.  I just know I'm seeing changes in my shape.  I'm not eating 100% great and healthy, but I'm more aware of what I put into my mouth.
With just over 50 days until my vacation I'm feeling the inner pressure to make the numbers drop faster.
I no longer beat myself up when I eat bad food or think less of myself either.  I'm making lifestyle changes and those are never easy.
I met with my counselor for one last time last week.  She marveled at the changes in me.  I actually looked younger to her than I did a year ago when I walked into her office and was hurting inside so badly I cried at our first meeting.   This last year has been a RENEWAL of life for me.  I'm living MY life MY way and with NO regrets.  
I've come so far in 12 months that I want to make the next 12 months become far behind me when I look back next year.  I can now accept me just like I am right this minute with all my extra weight and wrinkles.  I don't have to change one thing to be happier.  That is such a great feeling.  To not feel like I HAVE to do something.    However, I like knowing I CAN change anything if I choose to do it.   Last year I chose to handle things with my oldest child differently and not accept behavior I wouldn't tolerate in my friends.  Today I'm a much more balanced woman/wife/mother/daughter/friend than I was 12 months ago.
Are you happy with YOU right here right now?   Why not?  Is there something you need to change within yourself?
Why not make yourself happy by letting go of those bricks you've been dragging around since childhood?   No one can go back and change the past, Hollywood glamorizes it, but we know the past is just that...The Past!!!
Here's to OUR tomorrows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Thanksgiving with my family. I feel very blessed to have them.

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman (a friend gave me that title)

I guess I've been AWOL from blogging and possibly my own mind.  

I'm back and recovered from that torturous trip to ER.  The bruises have almost all healed and my tests were all good.  My cholesterol is down and my blood sugar was 90 and it wasn't even a 12 hour fast LOL.  I know it's not funny, but I did feel good knowing my body is processing sugars efficiently so far. 

I got a little side tracked with my working out and eating.   I did not completely derail so I'm very happy I succeeded in staying on track.

I found a very good trainer and asked her to hold me accountable like my previous trainer had. Not that the guys don't, but I need a female who knows how much to push me.  She took the time to talk to me about foods, eating and what I need to do to lose 2 pounds a week.  YES I committed to 2 pounds a week which means I could be down 18 pounds by my vacation, which would make me a very happy woman in Jamaica.

I'm so glad she let me say I'm doing my Atkins and didn't pooh pooh it.  However, I did start to see that I do need some carbs from grains and fruits.  I managed to eat well and balanced meals.  Only the scale will tell for sure.  

My workouts have been very intense even though I have a meniscus tear.  I've kept the workouts to the upper body and abs.  My abs are now very mad at me.

I've found that keeping myself busy with sewing has been a great way to keep my mind off eating.  I'm loving the creative side of me coming out again.  Having a husband who supports me in all areas of my life is the key to being able to focus on my goals.  Without his encouragement I don't think I could do this and see results.  

My daughters have been cheering me on too.  My youngest daughter is even going with me to the trainer to get beat up with me LOL. Thank You Little Bear :-)

Do you have people who cheer you on?  Do you know how to spot a saboteur?  You know...those well meaning "friends" who offer you foods they know your trying to avoid.

So this dairy of a mad fat woman continues and I hope that you too can enjoy the Super Bowl without using a super sized bowl of foods. Really celery and carrots are yummy when dipped in roasted red pepper hummus.

Nevaeh says     Licking the table has NO calories.........

WHOA!!! Hold on a second there

I had a minor set back yesterday.  I've been battling dizziness and a headache since Monday.
I was experiencing nausea and chest pains too so off to ER I went.  It's a standing joke between my husband and I that if your "Over 40, Overweight and have chest pain your Overnight"
I had a stress test this morning and am so relived that I don't have anything wrong with my heart.  Not that they could see in a stress echo!
I went to workout yesterday because I am so determined to keep pushing my muscles to get stronger and burn more calories.  
Even though I got side tracked with another health issue I will NOT be swayed from my goal.
Mentally I am thinking less about food and more about my life.  I'm very happy and content with where I am in life.  My marriage is great, better than I ever dreamed possible. I've never known happiness like this existed.  It's greater than any drug or alcohol and it makes me high in a healthy way.
So as I experience this different mindset I'm able to keep my focus and not give into temptation.  Not that I don't find myself over indulging occasionally.  I just get back on track right away.  No more total derailments for me anymore.
Bring on the weekend!!!!!

This is my Soul mate Thomas and I on New Years Eve 2010

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